Introduction

Hey there. Welcome to the blog. I just decided I oughta start one of these things, it seems like everybody is doing the "blog" thing these days. Along with all the other stupid things they do, like watching the Bachelor or the Widower, or some such ridiculous tripe like that. Ah well, nothing I can do about that. Best to spend your days not worrying about things you can't control, like my dad always tells me in that annoying high pitched squealing voice of his. Why does he do that...?

Imagine this face, just... there.
Every morning when you wake
up. Now you know what it's like.

In any case... I'm Rivers. Hi, how ya doin? That's me up and to the left. I'm around 9 months old, but I prefer to count in days, so I guess I'm actually 274. Makes me feel a little older, you know? A little about me. I'm pretty beautiful. Arrogant, I know. I'm absolutely certain I get it from my mom. I love my dad and everything, but he's just... I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. He's so weird looking. And it's gotten to the point where I can't even see his face underneath that beard. It's quite frightening when he comes into my room first thing in the morning. I always think, who is this mysterious mountain man barging into my bedroom?! Troy Knapp, the notorious mountain man burglar? Please Troy Knapp, don't hurt me! Take everything I have! But then he usually squeals something like, "Dur dur dur," while waving his hands around non-sensically, and then I know it's just dad. I know he doesn't know any better, so I can't judge him harshly.

One other thing I needed to get off my chest: pooping. Is it okay to just... you know... do it whenever? I used to think when I was younger that there might have been something wrong with it, but now whenever I do it, mom and dad just seem happier than clams, and say things like, "AWWW, LITTLE POOPERS!" in high pitched voices, like I just had poop children or something. Maybe someone can shed some light on it. I don't even know where the poop goes. Are they collecting it and putting it on display somewhere? Because they seem pretty excited about it. I don't know. Do all of you adults get as excited about each other pooping?

Thanks for reading friends. Until next time. Rivers out!